detweiler

Detweiler, Brian

  • twitter.com/detweiler

  • Name: Detweiler, Brian
  • Location: Omaha, NE
  • Bio: If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.
Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Everyone wants me to switch from TwitterBerry to UberTwitter. Do you realize how long it took me just to get a phone that takes pictures?

3:57 PM Nov 22 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Willful productivity, you are no match for my hangover.

3:40 PM Nov 22 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

I was told I have a politician laugh. I will neither confirm nor deny these accusations.

11:51 AM Nov 22 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Was going to tweet something mildly amusing but it can wait until Verizon gets their GODDAMN NETWORK FUNCTIONAL. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.

3:46 AM Nov 22 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

I had to watch a UFC fight so I got really tanked. Now I hate my life AND yours. They gave me a trash can to sleep with. Twitpics to come.

3:33 AM Nov 22 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Wonder when Verizon will change its slogan from "Can you hear me now?" to "Network request failed." I'll keep wondering til I can send this.

3:23 AM Nov 22 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Sorry, guys. I'm at the laundromat and I don't habla Spanish, so you get my stream of consciousness tweets today.

2:26 PM Nov 21 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

I'm going to start a shock rock band featuring a tambourine, soprano saxophone, and a triangle. Maybe a flutaphone. Hail Satan!

2:22 PM Nov 21 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

No matter how badass Marilyn Manson think they are, nothing changes the fact that they have a keytarist.

2:14 PM Nov 21 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Homeless guy asked for a ride, so I obliged. Half way there, he asked for money. Why's this guy homeless? He just invented the reverse-taxi.

1:45 PM Nov 21 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

@mckito That's what you get for trying to shave your nipple hair.

12:00 AM Nov 21 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

My new deodorant smells like clean laundry. Hell of a time saver!

8:47 AM Nov 20 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

It's hardly a typo. I always hope to have a food day.

5:37 PM Nov 19 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Wow. Guy in the library just gave his Visa card over the phone, expiration, security code; everything. Thanks guy! I needed a new laptop.

2:05 PM Nov 19 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Well, my coffee mug exploded in my backpack. But at least my homework is REALLY AWAKE.

12:26 PM Nov 19 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

More like JuggaLOL - http://thejuggalog.tumblr.com

9:19 PM Nov 18 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Pity party at my mom's place! You're all invited to come and 'not need your family' anymore!

8:40 PM Nov 18 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Today, a woman came at me wielding a sausage. Or a woman offered me a sample at the store, but I like my version better.

7:55 PM Nov 18 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

@zolora YOU SPELLED "possible" WRONG YOU BIG STUPID IDIO- oh, nevermind, you're good, carry on.

5:17 PM Nov 18 by @detweiler

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Detweiler, Brian - If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.

Guys, not everything is a douche.

5:07 PM Nov 18 by @detweiler

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