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eoporto
- Name: Elizabeth Oporto
- Location: New York
- Bio: i drink beer. and wear a watch.
The moment between "a photo of you has been tagged on Facebook" and seeing said photo can often seem like the onset of a heart attack.
3:05 PM Nov 22 by @eoporto
The fact that scented tampons exist and meanwhile all the inventions from Willy Wonka are still fictional makes me hate science.
9:51 AM Nov 21 by @eoporto
Car at stop light was blaring Jackson 5 while I pumped gas. Totally danced, in homage to the Aerosmith video, but less sexy & more silly.
5:13 PM Nov 20 by @eoporto
Best thing about classic rock songs in commercials is the look people get when you say you only know the songs of their youth from an ad.
2:43 PM Nov 20 by @eoporto
Looks like I'll be taking 3 Advil every 3.5 hours today. WHATEVER KIDNEYS, GO YELL AT OUR STUPID UTERUS.
9:13 AM Nov 19 by @eoporto
Your ignorant rhetoric isn't any more palatable because it's got a liberal slant.
2:03 PM Nov 17 by @eoporto
I thought I saw an earthworm on the sidewalk and was like LOL WUT. But then I remembered it's November in NYC and realized it was string.
5:22 PM Nov 16 by @eoporto
G-chat's "never show on my contact list" is my ULTIMATE power move in passive-aggressive behavior.
2:17 PM Nov 16 by @eoporto
Let's be honest. "I'm just really busy right now" is polite for "I don't really give a fuck about you"
3:10 PM Nov 15 by @eoporto
Confession: I end enough texts with xoxoxo that my phone autocorrects when I forget the last o.
12:52 AM Nov 15 by @eoporto
My dream last night featured my ex, my deceased grandmother, a boy from the internet and mouse on my desk. I'm not having tequila tonight.
3:59 PM Nov 14 by @eoporto
At what point is it okay to wish someone gets herpes? I'm asking because of the asshole next to me.
1:39 AM Nov 14 by @eoporto
My listening to sexy Sam Cooke face is the same as my sending a pouty text face. This may account for my inability to flirt.
7:43 PM Nov 13 by @eoporto
Based on the outwear choices on this L train, a lot of stuffed animals had to die to keep the hipsters warm this season.
5:43 PM Nov 13 by @eoporto
The fact that I made plans to go to a bakery before a nice dinner should tell you everything you need to know about my relationship to food.
3:26 PM Nov 13 by @eoporto
A more defining marker into adulthood than puberty is the moment limos stop being totally cool and fun but rather are funereal.
2:56 PM Nov 12 by @eoporto
If you use the phrase "empowerment and growth of women" more than once, I'm forced to conclude it'll actually be demeaning & involve donuts.
9:29 AM Nov 12 by @eoporto
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